Sambal Ikan Bilis (II)

Ini ikan bilis; ini kacang.

"Beep beep beep! KT has reached maximum capacity of her Behasa Melayu."

What?! That is so not true. I know lots more Malay words . . . like, um, nasi lemak, mee rebus, ayam, ikan, babi, pulut, pisang goreng . . . .

No, it's not just food words I know. I can count up to 10 in Malay, and I know colour words like hitam, hijau, merah, puteh and biru. I have to confess though it's food, like kacang puteh and nasi kuning, that helps me remember the colour words.

I also know "majulah Singapura" means forward Singapore. Believe it or not, that's the only part of Little Red Dot's national anthem I understand. The rest is just gibberish to me, most of which I don't even pronounce correctly.

If it's any consolation, I'm not alone in my ignorance. Wiki says (link):

 The majority of Singaporeans are clueless about the meaning of their national anthem. Only 1 in 7 know the meaning of each word.

Only 1 in 5 are able to sing the anthem perfectly. Singer Taufik Batisah, who is Malay, isn't one of them. Instead of bersatu, he once sang berseru.

 About 1 in 10 can recite only the first line, or not even that.

One-time Deputy PM Rajaratnam once said, "Anyone over the age of five, unless mentally retarded, has no difficulty singing the anthem."

Ha . . . ha . . . ha . . . oh dear . . . .

Well, better late than never. Time to find out, I guess.

*google . . . click click click*

What the . . . !

I'd always thought "forward Singapore" meant forward in terms of economic growth. Hell no, it's actually happiness. Sama-sama menuju bahagia means: let us progress towards happiness together. Happiness? Gee, what's that? According to the Happy Planet Index, Singapore is the second unhappiest nation in Asia.

After looking up the meaning of each word in the anthem, I can now compose two Malay sentences: Marilah kita masak! Marilah kita makan! Come, let us cook! Come, let us eat!

Marilah kita click sini for the resipi. Please click here for the recipe.

Teochew Fish Porridge (潮州鱼粥)

How do you tell if the fish you wanna buy is fresh? (a) It doesn't smell fishy. (b) The eyes are bright. (c) The gills are red. (d) It feels firm. (e) The skin is shiny. (f) All of the above. If you choose 'f', then sorry, you're wrong . . . mostly.

20 years ago, 'all of the above' would have been the correct answer. These days, the fish may feel and look fresh because it's preserved with formaldehyde, the stuff used by embalmers. Nice, eh?

So how do you tell if the fish is fresh or embalmed?

If the fish is cheap, such as ikan kuning, ikan selar or some farmed fish, it's probably safe from chemicals added postmortem. The more expensive stuff, like large white pomfret and large sea prawns, are more likely to be preserved. Without a lab test, you can tell if it's fresh only by eating it. If it looks and smells fresh but it's tasteless even though it's wild, not farmed, then you've been had.

When you've NOT been had, fish porridge is an absolute delight. It's full of the sweetness of fresh fish and, the way my mother did it, dried prawns, dried squid and 冬菜. It is light, with no fat at all other than a few drops of garlic or shallot oil, but it's totally delicious.

The special ingredient in my mother's fish porridge is dried squid which must be: (1) cut lengthwise into very thin strips; (2) soaked till it's completely soft; and (3) very lightly blanched in the porridge, just enough to make the squid curl. The dried squid lifts the umaminess of the porridge to a higher level but if you don't follow the three steps, you'll think there're rubber bands in the porridge. You have been warned.

I wouldn't say I'd eat fish porridge every day because there isn't anything I could eat every day. But I'd eat Teochew fish porridge maybe once a week. That's the biggest compliment possible from me.

TEOCHEW FISH PORRIDGE (潮州鱼粥) (Recipe for 2 persons) 20 g dried prawns rinse and soak 10 minutes or longer in just enough water to cover 10 g dried squid body, quill discarded, at room temperature with scissors, cut crosswise about 3 cm long; cut 10 g lengthwise into thin strips about 1 mm thick; rinse and soak in just enough water to cover till soft, about 20 minutes 200 g white fish fillet rinse and slice bite size 3-4 mm thick; mix evenly with 1 tsp light soya sauce; sprinkle with ½ tsp cornflour or tapioca starch and mix again 120 g long-grain jasmine rice 800-900 ml boiling water 1 tsp light soya sauce 1 tsp 天津冬菜 (Tianjin/Tientsin pickled cabbage) 1 tbsp fried garlic or fried shallots 1 tbsp spring onions cut 3-4 mm thick ground white pepper to taste Fish porridge should be made with a mild tasting white fish that has a fine, smooth texture, such as ikan tenggiri papan (spotted Spanish mackerel), ikan tenggiri batang (barred Spanish mackerel), white pomfret, or ikan kurau (threadfin). Prepare dried prawns, dried squid and fish as detailed above. Put kettle on. Wash rice till water runs clear. Add dried prawns, along with soaking liquid, and 750 ml boiling water. Bring to a boil. Stir thoroughly to prevent rice from sticking. Keep rice boiling rapidly for 10 minutes, checking and stirring from time to time to make sure rice doesn't boil over. Top up with boiling water if necessary, depending on how thick or thin you like your porridge. Continue boiling rapidly till rice is just soft but surface is still smooth without any sign of turning mushy, another 5 minutes or so. Season porridge with 1 tsp light soya sauce and 天津冬菜. Add fish and stir through gently. Turn off heat once porridge returns to a gentle simmer. Add dried squid, along with soaking liquid, and stir through. Remove pot from stove. Quickly taste and adjust seasoning if necessary. Immediately transfer porridge to serving bowls to prevent fish from overcooking. Sprinkle with spring onions, fried garlic and ground white pepper. Serve immediately with light soya sauce or light brown taucheo (fermented soya beans) as a dip, with lime juice and/or thinly sliced bird's eye chillies added if you like, to bring out the sweetness of the fish. Fish porridge is best eaten steaming hot. If your mother-in-law is Teochew and you want to impress her, add a pinch of very finely julienned young ginger next to the spring onions. If you want to knock her off her chair, add a piece of toasted Chinese seaweed (in addition to the young ginger), and make your porridge with white pomfret.

Bak Chang (肉粽; Meat Dumplings)

My mother made two types of 粽子 every year, kee chang and bak chang. The former is quite straightforward; it's just glutinous rice and lye water wrapped in bamboo leaves. Bak chang, however, is extremely varied in ingredients, seasoning, cooking method, and shape depending on which part of China your family is from. For us – we're Teochews – there're two types indigenous to our culture. The more elaborate type, called 双烹, has a small ball of sweet red bean paste wrapped in leaf lard. My mother always did the simpler type without the sweet red bean paste. The filling is 100% savory with fatty pork belly, chestnuts, mushrooms, dried prawns and fried shallots.

Our annual dumpling do always started a couple of weeks before the dumpling festival on the 5th day of the 5th lunar month. In the evening after we all got our housework or homework out of the way, adults and kids alike would sit at the dining table and pick out the non-glutinous grains in the glutinous rice. Say what? Say my mother bought glutinous rice which had a little bit of non-glutinous rice mixed in it. For bak chang, that didn't matter. For kee chang, however, the non-glutinous grains wouldn't cook in the alkaline lye water. Hence, these had to be picked out one by one. Amazing, eh? The amount of rice we managed to sieve through would determine how many kee chang were made. You can still buy impure glutinous rice nowadays but I presume no one uses it for kee chang anymore.

The actual process of making the dumplings was spread over two days. On the first day, the bamboo leaves and dumpling strings were sorted, soaked and washed. The rice would be soaked too, as were the mushrooms, dried prawns and dried chestnuts. On the second day, the filling and rice for bak chang were stir-fried and wrapped, then boiled 3-4 hours. Whilst the savory meat dumplings were being cooked – over a wood fire so as to save on gas! – Mum did the kee chang. These were much easier than bak chang since there wasn't any filling, and the rice wasn't stir-fried.

Mum was quite proud of her bak chang. Every year, she gave some to a few relatives and they gave her theirs in return. She'd taste each and everyone's dumplings versus her own, and then she'd quietly declare herself the winner of the dumpling making contest. It was a weird contest that the contestants, other than my mother, didn't even know existed. And there was only one judge, who was the only contestant who knew about the contest.

One year, the day after making dumplings, I found my mother looking like a panda with dark circles around her eyes. She hadn't slept well the night before, she said. What happened? Mum's bak chang wasn't as good as in previous years. Why not? Because she didn't stir-fry the glutinous rice. She was getting on in years and wasn't as sprightly as before. So she simplified things a bit, skipping what she'd thought wasn't a crucial step, and made the bak chang without stir-frying the rice. Hence, the sleepless night. And hence – despite everyone going 'NOOOOO! NO WAY!' – she made a second batch of bak chang, this time with the rice properly stir-fried. It was the only time she did two batches in one year. And that's why it's been burnt into my brain: fry the friggin' rice!

Here's how I enjoyed last weekend, frying rice and other stuff:

BAK CHANG (肉粽; MEAT DUMPLINGS) (Recipe for 25 dumplings) 25 large and 25 small bamboo leaves check that leaves aren't broken or have holes; soak overnight in enough water to cover, weighed down with something heavy; wipe clean and rinse thoroughly 25 dumpling strings or plastic raffia, each about 90 cm long if using dumpling strings, soak overnight with bamboo leaves; rinse till water runs clear and wring dry; tie to a pole with a slip knot; rest pole between back of two chairs or maybe kitchen cabinets and a table 120 ml vegetable oil 200 g shallots peel, rinse and slice thinly Filling 70 g dried prawns rinse and soak overnight in 4 tbsp water; squeeze dry, reserving liquid 70 g Chinese dried mushrooms rinse and soak overnight in 2/3 cup water; squeeze dry, reserving liquid; cut bite-sized into 50 pieces, reserving stems for other dishes 50 dried chestnuts (about 200 g) soak overnight in enough water to cover by 5 cm; remove peel with toothpick; trim black spots if any; rinse and drain 550 g pork belly rinse and cut bite-sized into 50 pieces 3 tbsp light soya sauce 1 tsp salt ¼ tsp sugar ½ tsp dark soya sauce Rice 1 kg long-grain glutinous rice rinse till water runs clear; soak overnight in enough water to cover by 5 cm; drain thoroughly 3 tbsp light soya sauce 1 tsp salt ½ tsp ground white pepper ¼ tsp sugar ½ tsp chicken powder Fry shallots in vegetable oil over medium till lightly golden. Turn off heat. Continue stirring till residual heat dissipates. Remove shallots to a colander. Remove half of the oil to a bowl. Turn on heat to maximum possible. Fry dried prawns till lightly golden. Add mushrooms and stir till heated through. Add chestnuts and stir till heated through. Add pork and stir-fry till slightly brown. Season with light soya sauce, salt and sugar. Stir till absorbed. Drizzle with water drained from dried prawns. Stir till dry. Drizzle with half of water drained dried mushrooms. Stir till dry. Drizzle with remaining mushroom water. Again, stir till dry. Add dark soya sauce and ground white pepper. Stir through. Taste a small piece of pork that should be cooked through. It should taste slightly more salty than how you'd like it. Adjust seasoning if necessary. Transfer to a bowl. Drizzle 2 tbsp water around wok. Stir to deglaze. Turn off heat. Add the water to the pork mixture. Sit till absorbed. Add half of fried shallots. Stir till evenly mixed. Wash wok and heat till dry. Place remaining shallot oil in the wok and heat till just smoking. Add glutinous rice, then remaining fried shallots. Stir till thoroughly heated. Season with light soya sauce, salt, sugar, chicken powder and ground white pepper. Stir till well mixed. Taste (but do not eat because rice is still raw) and adjust seasoning if necessary. Rice should be a bit saltier than usual because seasoning will be diluted by boiling water. Transfer to a bowl. Wrap and tie dumplings as shown in video (4:04 - 5:02). Boil 3 hours in enough water to cover. Unwrap one and see if the rice is soft. If it isn't, boil another 15-3o minutes. Remove dumplings from water. May be eaten immediately if you like. Or leave to drain and cool down, then serve warm or at room temperature. Refrigerate leftovers and steam to heat through before eating. The bak chang would be a bit smaller than the ones you buy. If you make them regular size, you may get only about 20 pieces instead of 25.

Kee Chang (碱水粽)

The Song Dynasty some 1,000 years ago was one of the golden eras of Chinese poetry. The more famous poets like 蘇東坡 and 李後主 are still household names now, more or less.

And then there's the whole bunch of guys from the Tang Dynasty, such as 李白 and 白居易, whose poems have been around for about 1,200 years. That's an awfully long time but it's nothing compared to 曹操 and 曹丕 who have clocked in almost 1,800 years

I can recite off the top of my head one of 曹丕's poems from 1,800 years ago:

煮豆燃豆萁，豆在釜中泣，本是同根生，相煎何太急。

I hope you're impressed. WHAT? Your primary school kid can recite the same poem? Oh, bloody 'ell.

Was there any poet before 曹丕? Of course there was, and it was none other than 屈原. He was China's first recorded poet, from 2,300 years ago.

Everyone, or just about, knows the "dumpling festival" is in honour of 屈原 and how it all started with people dumping dumplings into the river where he had drowned, to distract the fish, dragons and whatnots from eating his body. That story has been repeated to death, so let me tell you something more interesting:

屈原was homosexual. Yup, he was GAY. How do we know that? Because the lover he referred to in his poems was a man.

Who was 屈原's lover? His BOSS, 楚怀王. Gee, 楚怀王 was gay too? Um, no. He was, ahem, BISEXUAL.

屈原 is often hailed as a patriot who committed suicide because his country, 楚国, was swallowed by 秦国. But he had been fired by his king-cum-lover, 楚怀王, and had been in exile for 20 years when 楚国 was defeated. Given the circumstances, it was highly unlikely he killed himself because he was mourning the death of his country. A more plausible explanation: he was mourning the death of the man he loved, who had been killed by 秦国.

In 1999, the gay fraternity in Hong Kong celebrated 同志日 – gay day, if you will – on the same day as 端午节 because, they said, 屈原 was one of them.

Well, now you know. Happy 端午节, everyone. Enjoy your dumplings and have a gay celebration.



Related articles:
http://www.danlan.org/disparticle_16620.htm (in Chinese)
http://www.lgbthongkong.com/?p=870

KEE CHANG (碱水粽; ALKALINE DUMPLINGS) (Recipe for 20-25 pieces) 20-25 bamboo leaves, depending on size check that leaves aren't broken or have holes; soak overnight in water, weighed down with something heavy; wipe clean with wet cloth; rinse thoroughly and drain 20-25 dumpling strings or plastic raffia, each about 90 cm long if using dumpling strings, discard thin ones that may break (test by pulling); thick ones may be split into 2; soak together with bamboo leaves; rinse till water runs clear and wring dry; tie to a pole with a slip knot 500 g glutinous rice rinse till water runs clear; add enough water to cover by 5 cm; leave to soak overnight; drain thoroughly 15 g orange-tinted lye, broken into small pieces add 2 tbsp hot water and stir till dissolved; add to drained glutinous rice and mix evenly Prepare ingredients as detailed above. Rest pole horizontally on back of two chairs or, say, kitchen cabinets and a table. Pole should be secure and not roll about when dumplings are being tied. You also need a low stool to sit on. Wrap and tie dumplings as shown in the video (1:18 - 2:27). Boil in enough water to cover. Duration: 3 hours if you have 20 pieces; 2½ hours if you have 25 smaller ones. To check if dumplings are done, unwrap one and check if the inside is soft. If it's hard, or bitter, boil for another 15-30 minutes. Remove dumplings from the water. Leave till cool. Cut into bite-sized pieces with sewing thread – scissors aren't as fun! – and eat with fine-grained white sugar, light or dark brown sugar, palm sugar syrup or kaya. Leftovers may be kept without refrigeration for several days without spoiling. Click here for my kaya recipe which takes only 10 minutes or so from start to finish. If you prefer palm sugar syrup, here's how you make it: boil 1 part sugar to 2 parts palm sugar with some water and a few pandan leaves till thick and pandan fragrance is released.

10-Minute Kaya (II)

To enjoy a kaya toast brekky at home:

1. Make kaya in 10 minutes using the recipe here, up to one week ahead. On no account make kaya the traditional way which involves a double-boiler and stirring for hours on end. If you have a lot of free time, I suggest you bathe your dog, read a book, or take a nap.

2. The night before the kaya toast breakfast, remove eggs from the fridge to let them come to room temperature.

3. 15 minutes before serving, put the kettle on.

4. Pour some boiling water into a pot, enough to fill about 4 cm. Using a spoon or ladle, put the eggs in the pot. Add more boiling water as necessary so that the eggs are just submerged. Cover the pot and set the timer for 10 minutes for 55 g eggs. For bigger eggs, increase the time by 1 minute, and vice versa. If the pot is crowded, increase by another 1 minute, and vice versa.

5. Pour some boiling water into serving bowls. Half-boiled eggs should be served in warm bowls, don't you think?

6. Make the drink of choice, which is kopi gau xiu dai for me.

7. Set the table – kaya, butter, dark soya sauce, ground white pepper, knives, spoons, plates, etc. Or maybe you'll be setting the tray for a lucky someone who's getting breakfast in bed?

8. After the eggs have been steeping for 5 minutes, toast the bread.

9. When the timer goes off, drain the bowls and eggs.

10. Tuck in whilst the toast and eggs are hot. Break 1-2 eggs into a warm bowl, using a spoon to dig out the residual egg white in the shell. Season with dark soya sauce and ground white pepper to taste. Spread a piece of toast with kaya, then top with sliced cold butter. I like my kaya roti thick-sliced and open-faced; most people do thin-sliced and closed, I think. Stir the egg(s) slightly and dunk the toast. Enjoy!



Click here for the recipe.

Kueh Bengka Ubi (II)

If you can buy ready-grated tapioca and ready-squeezed fresh coconut milk, it'd criminal not to make kueh bengka ubi. It is so easy, so quick, so good.

It's hard to come up with tips for making kueh bengka ubi because the Malay/Nyonya cake is really straightforward. Even after eating lots of kueh to fuel my brain, I can think of only a few which anyone with some common sense/knowledge would know:

There're two types of tapioca (aka cassava): yellow and white. If you use the one that's yellow, your kueh will be yellow without artificial food colouring.

 If you use a dark-coloured cake pan, the bottom and sides of the kueh will brown better.

If the kueh browns quicker around the edges, cover it with a piece of aluminium foil with a hole cut in the middle.

If you find that the kueh is too soft after it has cooled down, you can bake it again to make it firmer. KBU is very forgiving!

If the kueh tastes bitter, don't eat it. The bitterness comes from the cyanide in raw tapioca. When it's cooked, cyanide is not bitter. More importantly, cooked cyanide is harmless unless you're eating lots day in, day out over a prolonged period.

Some people drain and discard the liquid in grated tapioca to reduce the bitterness. I don't think that's necessary since, as I just said, the bitterness goes away when tapioca is fully cooked.

One day, I'll write a story about a woman who kills her philandering husband by feeding him half-cooked kueh bengka ubi.  

Heh . . . heh . . . heh . . . . *rub hands with glee*

That'd be nice, wouldn't it? "That" being the killing, not writing . . . . Ok, maybe both.

Hmm, should I make a video of the killing?



Click here for the recipe.

Lemon Coke Chicken Wings

What's better than fried chicken wings? STICKY fried chicken wings! I don't think I've ever met any sticky food I don't like (natto isn't food unless you're Japanese). I've certainly never met chicken wings I don't like. And coke is tasty, so why not put the two together? Chicken and coke make a natural pair. When chicken meets coke is kinda like when Harry met Sally. It's so obvious they should be together. (If you're too young to know what When Harry Met Sally is, click here.)

Is Sticky Lemon Coke Chicken Wings as good as the sandwich Meg Ryan ate in 'the restaurant scene'?

No, it's better! It's not gonna give you a you-know-what though, but neither would a sandwich no matter how good. That restaurant scene is still funny, btw, after . . . good grief, 23 years!

Gosh, time flies! *lick fingers* Better eat more chicken wings whilst I still have my teeth, eh? *reach for another chicken wing, the one with the most sesame seeds*

STICKY LEMON COKE CHICKEN WINGS (Recipe for 4 persons) 500 g chicken mid-joint wings, rinse and drain Marinade 2 tsp grated lemon zest, optional 2 tbsp Shaoxing wine 2 tbsp light soya sauce 2 cloves garlic, pounded ¼ ground white pepper ¼ tsp salt 1 tbsp sesame oil 1 tbsp vegetable oil 1 cup regular coke 2 tbsp lemon juice 1 tbsp sugar Garnishing ½ tsp toasted white sesame seeds or grated lemon zest Thoroughly mix chicken with all marinade ingredients except white sesame oil, in a dish that can hold the wings in a single layer. Drizzle with sesame oil and mix again. Cover and refrigerate 24-48 hours. Turn chicken over once mid-way, or more often if you're diligent. Drain chicken, removing garlic if any. Bring to room temperature. Pan-fry in hot vegetable oil till golden brown, in 2 batches if necessary. Remove chicken to a plate. Remove oil as well. Put coke and marinade in the wok. Boil on high heat till reduced to about one-quarter. Add sugar and lemon juice. Continue reducing till dark and thick. Taste and adjust seasoning if necessary. Add chicken wings and toss till well coated. Garnish with white sesame seeds or lemon zest. Eat with hands, please. That's the proper thing to do.